BP News

The Actor’s Guide to Director-Spotting

When you get involved in the dizzy world of acting, be it amateur or professional, you are entering the realm of the artiste. It is a strange exotic place where you’ll find a jungle full of unusual creatures and the rarest of all these is something that they call the Director bird. Now The Director bird comes in several variations of colourful plumage and the wise actor will want to get familiar with each of the major types. To make it easier to begin your collection, BP News is giving away this completely free Director bird Guide so that you too can begin your spotting in earnest. Here are your first 3 to collect and keep.

The Benign Director Bird

Always easy to spot in its brown or dark blue plumage, the Benign Director bird loves to perch in the theatre bar (it’s natural habitat) and twitter about all sorts of plays they have seen and been part of. They are helpful creatures full of praise for their actors even when they rarely turn up or are still hanging onto their scripts at the dress rehearsal. They often have a loveable forgetful streak which means that they can never quite recall where they have set actors or any new person’s name. They tend, therefore, to surround themselves with the familiar: the same leading actors and, if at all possible, the same plays they have done at their other regular nesting sites in the local area.

The Precision Director Bird

As unlike the Benign Bird as it is possible to be, the Precision Director Bird forgets nothing and forgives little. They have a rehearsal schedule drawn up like a military battle plan and woe betide the hapless actor who is ill or away with the family on one of the sacred dates. They spend weeks planning each character’s moves on a small stage in their study. Often they are accompanied by a phalanx of assistants and stage managers all of who are loving and obedient disciples. The plays are always perfect in production but the attrition rate can sometimes be high. The Precision Directors call is distinctive and sounds like: now that’s not where I set you is it? And, in final rehearsals, the face changes colour to a bright red and its call becomes shriller: can't you even do the simplest thing for God’s sake!

The Flamboyant Director Bird

Plumage is everything to this highly decorative creature. It loves colour and style above all else. The male of the species will often sport a distinctive flash such as a yellow scarf or a bright shirt with the sleeves carefully folded back along the arm. They may also exude a certain charming citrus musk. The females love colour too but their dress sense is more erratic with clashing tones and un-ironed smock dresses favoured. Both sexes are often wild and spontaneous in their directing style but then will become very precise and even prissy as the dress rehearsal looms, insisting on things being just-so. Casts either love or loathe them depending on experience: new actors love the feeling of creativity, while older hands just yearn for some certainty.